I ALMOST LOST A SMILE

Written in the year 2006, this was inspired by an over a cup of coffee chat with a former officemate.  I wonder where he is now?  I hope he is still giving out smiles.

He placed the note neatly under a glass.  He accurately positioned his head on the sink to make sure that no blood splatters on the floor.  With his head in a bowing position, he pointed the gun on his nape and click!  Nothing.  No blast.  He wondered and gave a closer look at the gun and clicked and clicked.  The gun was loaded but was not working.  He thought to himself that maybe God wanted him to say goodbye to his friends first before he takes his life.  So off he went to see his friends at their favorite coffee shop.   When he was done saying goodbye to them (the friends were thinking that it was just the everyday goodbye), he went back home thinking that he will find a way to work the gun.  Back home, he received a text message from his brother that he was going to be out of town for the week.  The gun was nowhere to be found as it belonged to his brother.

We were laughing and laughing at the way his “suicidal comedy” went.  First, he did not know that there was such a thing as a safety lock on some guns then he takes off  for just a moment only to come back with his suicidal tool gone!  Of course the attempt itself is no laughing matter as he told me what he wanted to die for.  Never mind what is was for but what I can say that it was really shallow – it was over a worthless guy!  This gay friend of mine was going to kill himself because a sanamagun broke his heart!

After we laughed and laughed, I looked at him with a sting of tears in my eyes.  I told him, “I almost lost a smile”.  You see, this guy is one of the nicest guys at work.  We were never formally introduced but because we bump into each other everyday, we always smile at each other and little did he know how much of a difference that simple gesture he gives me makes.  I am such a character everywhere I go and criticisms are part of my meals everyday.  There’s always this and that that I have done wrong.  But when someone smiles at me with sincerity those criticisms disappear like a bubble.

I’m worth someone to be smiled at after all.